Scott Rader again joins us as a guest writer, giving you every last minutia of his week. Once again, any complaints should be given right to his face. -ed.

Monday

It’s really all a matter of style really. Either you like jeans or you like khakis. Well, there are other choices, not better, just other choices. I mean, I guess you could, if you wanted to, wear sweatpants. So that’s what I decided to do on Monday. Wear sweatpants all day long. Wear them like some overgrown, beer-sipping, NASCAR loving man-boy.

Now, comfort aside, I looked like a complete idiot. There I was, my chubby thighs, poured into these confining and warm bright blue sweats, walking around my town with few things or thoughts to keep me company. What if people saw me?

Well, at least they were comfortable, like a fine pair of Crocs. I’m just kidding, Crocs make people look like dweebs and sweatpants are for the bedroom. Well, if you are a dude who cares about style. Women can actually pull them off.

Tuesday

Fact/Knowledge: 98% of people wonder if dragons are real. 50% of those people wonder what a dragon actually looks like. And 13% of that group wonder what kinds of stuff dragons are interested in. There are answers to these questions. Yes, dragons are real. They have been around forever and grow to be 920 feet long and weigh in at about 14 tons. Dragons actually look like a cross between a falcon, a giraffe and a poisonous tree frog. 90% of dragons are purple in color and only about 3% of all dragons breathe fire. They are mammals, so they do not lay eggs as is the common misconception. Finally, dragons are interested in a large range of things, but the one thing all dragons have in common is a deep-seeded interest in botany.

This is just a sampling of the report I presented to my class on Dragons in our modern world. I also brought the Yungeblefenny Dragon, which is the most common dragon in Kansas, for show and tell to my class. Yungeblefenny Dragons are found all throughout the midwest, but mostly in Oklahoma and Kansas. They are purple in color with a wingspan of nearly 2,000 feet. They don’t fly, however, so their huge wings are used only for mating purposes. They are a tunneling dragon and they don’t breathe fire.

My Yungeblefenny Dragon is named Horatio and he has a scar over his left eye.

Wednesday

There weren’t many adventures for me to relay to you this week, but on Wednesday this escaped convict came into the library and asked where he might find a vegetarian cookbook. I showed him where he might find it and then to repay me he made this lovely tofu casserole.

Well, then the police came and arrested me for aiding an escaped convict and I said I was just trying to be nice and they said exactly and threw me in the clink. But later they said that they were feeling nice so they let me go and I wondered if them letting me go was also aiding a convict and if they should arrest themselves but I decided not to push the issue.

Thursday

This day rocked! Seriously! My boss and I went to a football game between two local and rival schools. What ensued was a strange and beautiful riot caused by the sight of two librarians out in a public place. Kids screamed and high-fived and fought to be seen with the librarians. Not many places will you see kids in a frenzy over librarians. I would use another word other than librarians but there aren’t many synonyms for librarians. So sorry that I keep using it.

Friday

Not too exciting. I went shopping and ate chinese food. I tried on women’s shoes because I thought they looked cute, but I didn’t have anything to wear them with.

Saturday

I finished what had been a week-long Heroes marathon with a day-long Heroes marathon. I suddenly began to feel I had special powers and was having terrifying nightmares that were only helping to cement this idea. But I didn’t want some lame special power like flying. I preferred something like legs made out of rocks. But instead in my dreams I had something stupid. Flame-throwing. At least it’s better than flight.

Sunday

I spent a lot of the day watching football, including the Kansas City Chiefs wasting “All the Colors of the” Dwayne Bowe. But I also folded laundry and tried to come up with a good movie concept that would utilize Amy Sedaris, Kristin Chenowith, and Amy Poehler as sisters. The best I could come up with is something where they all return home after the death of their mother and have to revitalize the families’ failing wheat farm. It would be sad and funny.

Finally, I know some of you have been theorizing about the true identity of me, Scott, but I am real. I am not Adam. Seriously, just click here to go to my website.