With apologies to Cheap Trick, this is me saying hello to the very, very small number of readers who have enough gumption and perseverance to power a small village, end a protracted conflict in a terrorist-sponsored country, and still have time to do my dishes. Kudos to you, friend.

But wait, you have questions? Where I’ve been? What I’ve been up to? These may get answered in time; but know that I’m a little older now, I’ve seen more doctors this month than I’ve seen in a decade, and July is over (pretty much.)

What the hell happened?!