Kansas City, 10:15pm Friday

A February without posts is a February not worth knowing, yes? I’m aboard Amtrak, a decision I made just today. You’ll have to excuse me a bit; I’m writing in the dark while indulging in a Sam Adams and oatmeal cookie. This is the upper-class lifestyle I live.

I’m on business, of sorts… for it’s my mother’s 60th birthday. I’ve never thought of my mom as being older than 50, so I suppose I’m also taking this trip to remind me how young 60 is anymore. My visit will be a complete surprise to her.

INTERRUPTION

“Will you be kicking my seat? Will you be farting? Snoring?”

This is from someone in the seat in front of me. Speaking to me. So I give him a “what the hell is your problem” look (with a smile!) and tell him N-O.

“Then we’ll be best friends forever! That’s BFF-E.”

BFF-E? I’m confused. But I laugh nervously and bury myself in my book. Obviously, this flannel-clad young man from KC is representative of all Kansas. You can probably recall all the times I belted “yeeeee-hawwwww” in excitement and the numerous times I fell asleep on my camouflaged pillow, as this gentleman intends to do. But will he be able to conquer the bilingual beauty sitting across the isle from him, chatting on her cell phone? Or will she fart and ruin the friendship?

And suddenly the train loses power.

I wake up in Wichita at 4 a.m.