Bring on the B-movie horror! The Manster would be a piece of cake for your grade school teacher to diagram – is he man or is he monster? Why not both! We pit the 1970s against the 1990s for most hated cultural decade. And there’s some Leonard Maltin hatred brewing. I don’t want this experiment repeated…ever!
We’re short-staffed tonight, but have an important duty – memorializing Robin Williams. Was The Fisher King the right choice? Who really knows. Dogs hunting rats is a New York City thing, though. That’s for certain. Death is definitely a penalty! It ain’t no fuckin’ gift!
Does anyone need a cigarette? This episode is a first for the Movie Night™ crew – an animated movie titled Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind. It’s anime, so there’s a sort of secret shame that becomes evident for one of our own. To recover, we reminisce on the age of Dine-In Delivery services. It’s rotting… it’s too soon…
Logan’s Run was a last-minute emergency pick, but that doesn’t mean that we liked it any less. We decide that we should pull a movie out of a hat at random for future quandaries. Trust us on this one: Indianapolis is not a great city. Did anyone else go to school-sponsored skating parties in elementary school? No one? Okay. Capricorn 15’s. Year of the city – 2274. Carousel begins.
With a headline that screams horror movie, Wake in Fright really has more in common with Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas – if it were set in Australia. It makes us thirsty. For beer. What’s the matter with him? He’d rather talk to a woman than drink?
Damn these technical issues! If you can ignore intermittent microphone problems, you might have a chance to hear us discussing Gattaca with a fervor probably undeserving. There shouldn’t be this much to argue about. Then it’s time to discuss something extremely important – the inaugural Movie Night™ awards. For future reference, right-handed men don’t hold it with their left. Just one of those things.
Let’s Blow-Up! The consensus is that while it’s not an explosive piece of great cinema, it has some good moments (but definitely, definitely too long.) We quickly kill the idea of a Movie Night™ theme song, although who really knows if it’ll stick? Then it’s off to the philosophical races – one man’s fear that he’ll never see all the movies he needs to in his lifetime. Bee rampages and kindergarten twice. Nothing like a little disaster for sorting things out.
The Last Boy Scout is the quintessential Movie Night™ pick, the type of film that can only be watched in a group while drinking. We then wonder why we don’t hate Bruce Willis – I mean, we should, right? Look at that crisp, white T-shirt. Finally, we get down to the rather involved story of a member breaking into a local cathedral. She’s so fat I had to roll her in flour and look for the wet spot.
Our longest episode yet! We are reminded that Bicycle Thieves is indeed an important piece of cinema. Don’t steal. Now, an important question – how big is your head? Big enough for “The Big Head Club”? Regardless, it’s time to find a theme song for this podcast. Maybe after we learn that one of our members has a reputation for kicking holes in things. You must plant your seeds in another field. Do you understand what I mean?
Back by popular demand, it’s the Microwave Hour!
After last month’s thermonuclear meltdown, I subconsciously harbored some sort of insane idea that I could skate by without a microwave oven.
Complicating this search is the fact that I’m the world’s worst shopper. I must review and research until I’m basically disgusted with all of my options. This applies to peanut butter as well as a new computer. Frozen edamame. Leftover quinoa. Pretension requires 10 COOKING POWER LEVELS and SCRATCH RESISTANT GLASS DOOR. Don’t let your artisanal brain tell you otherwise! Reheating and defrosting without this essential item is a waste of your very life.
And still things die. Chance failure can’t be investigated away.
So I’m winging between Best Buy and Lowe’s, calling my dad for Consumer Report reviews while searching on Amazon’s hive mind. No microwave is perfect (the philosopher said so) but I hadn’t prepared myself for some of the Amazon reviews.
People really, really hate their microwaves.
The most annoying thing about this stupid Emerson is the beeper. The beeps from this Emerson are the loudest beeps I have ever heard from a microwave. I feel like I’m going deaf from it. We have to stop it before it starts beeping or run out of the room. You can’t do anything while it’s beeping. You have to wait until it’s finished its full 5 or 6 beeps. I have to run away from the damned thing it’s so loud and annoying.
Finally, I realize that I’ve wasted almost two hours of my life on the search and settle for a mediocre model that one reviewer deems “Horrible Odor – DON’T BUY THIS UNIT.”
That’s when things get weird.
Best Buy in recent times has decided to relieve their associates of hustling for commission, replacing that rather natural expectation with something so much worse – constant checking and creepy friendship.
“Just letting you know that we don’t work on commission” turns into the following real conversation:
Jeff from Best Buy: “Hello there! How are you feeling this fine evening?
Me: “Oh, fine.”
Jeff: “Ah! I’m so glad. Did you just get off work?”
Me: “Umm… not exactly?”
Jeff: “It’s been a while, hmm? I just thought that with your [points at my necktie and hat]…”
Jeff: “Are you looking to replace your microwave or buying a new one for a new place?”
Jeff: “So, what do you like to do with your microwave?”
Let me break in here for a minute. I wasn’t able to in this scenario, but it would have been nice.
Adam: “Well… cook things.”
Jeff: “Ah, some people use microwaves for defrosting and others use them for reheating.”
Jeff: “Okay, well just let me know if you need assistance. And remember – we don’t work on commission!”
This conversation actually went on a bit longer, but I blacked out somewhere in the middle and when I woke up, I WANTED TO BUY A MICROWAVE SO BADLY.