And so God looked down on the throngs entering Grant Park and did NOT bless them. He instead thought them stupid. Allegedly, the Taste of Chicago allows people to sample dozens of types of cuisine. But when you’re inappropriately pressed into a man’s armpit while navigating between food booths, you start to lose your appetite. And could we move it to a month other than July, please?

SIDENOTE: Over one hundred Taste attendees grew sick afterwards, likely stemming from a hummus dish. Mmmm.