I’m shopping for dried cherries in the grocery store on a recent evening. Modern convenience has crippled me; I panic in aisles filled with twelve varieties of one item, each with slightly different amounts of sugar. With five packages of these damn cherries in my hands, a man approaches me.
“Hi, do I know you?”
Uh, no? No, you do not.
“Hmm, are you sure? You look familiar.”
Well, I work at the Journal Star. Maybe you’ve seen me around.
“I’m Hasan. You seem like someone with their finger on the pulse of Peoria.”
Am I being propositioned? Should I run?
“Are you into energy drinks?”
Now I’m terrified. My damn hand is shaking the bag of dried cherries like a rattle. And no, I’m really not into energy drinks (or anything else you’re selling me.)
“Oh, well, I’m actually not either. But I’m trying to get the word out about a new energy product. Would that be something you’re interested in?”
I’d suggest letting the business desk at the Journal Star know about it. I really have no pull in what we cover.
“Oh, no no, I meant, are you interested in getting the word out personally?”
Sigh.
Hemming and hawing my way around an actual answer, we eventually swap phone numbers. He received digits that were nearly correct.
Sorry, Hasan.
What?! You totally blew it. I go to sleep at night praying tomorrow will be the day that I get to promote a new energy drink. Apparently you are not interested in fame, fortune, and the elite social status reserved only for the up-and-coming energy drink promoter.
I make fun, but you’ve got to give it to these industrious foreigners. They’ve got gumption.
Really, though, what does that question even mean? What was this guy even looking for? Business partner? Pyramid scheme underling? An easy mark? Reminds me of the guy that would come around once a year to the apartments I lived in during college. He would flash this really beat-up page full of pictures of magazine covers (with no prices listed) and offer to “sell” you a magazine subscription, with the promise that if you helped him sell the most magazines and win a trip, he would take you (yes, you, personally you, magazine buyer) with him on said trip to whatever tropical island he had picked this time.
Dude, I met that guy at the Barnes & Noble back in ’07 or ’08. He wasn’t talking about energy drinks though. Something about software development or a new website he was about to launch. I gave him my actual phone number but, alas, he never called. Then I moved away.
Ten to one, whatever he’s promoting is not legit or commercially viable in any market. You best keep to investing in Beanie Babies. They’re the only sure bet.