EAAAAAGH. I’m sipping on something resembling the unholy union of motor oil and maple syrup.

This is espresso. Or that’s what I ordered. I’ve given up on coffee; too acidic and just too… caffeinated. Yes, espresso has less caffeine in an average serving than a small cup of drip coffee.

Due to the convenient walk from my apartment, Starbucks is where I intake this concoction. I don’t usually mess with the burnt roasts of their classic coffees, but I’ve found no fault with their espresso. Until now.

My mind is being pulled like taffy, Gumby tortured on a rack, then left rotting in a Dali painting. I’m at Copper River Coffee & Tea in Peoria and this espresso is decidedly different. Thick crema and surprisingly little water pours from a La Marzocco beast, with an aftertaste that mows through nerves on the back of my tongue. What the hell have I been mucking around with until now? Watered-down Bud Light?

This is shocking and will require adjustments. I’m not alone. Have you had a similar experience?