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What if we promised that this is the longest synopsis we’ll ever foist on you? It’s dreadfully long – Scanners somehow brought out the worst in us. So we try giving this episode the 1000 cuts treatment and only partially succeed in saving your attention. Meanwhile, there’s dual defecation distracting us from important discussion of our desert-island movie picks. Do we even carry on? There’s no need for that. It’s just internal switching.

What happens when nobody is prepared to pick a movie? We all pick a movie! Gremlins gently reminds us that no one should eat after midnight. Then man boots (boots of men) end up being an unusually lively topic of conversation. Boots, not boobs. And did you know that horses come in different sizes? They put em in cars, they put em in yer tv. They put em in stereos and those little radios you stick in your ears. They even put em in watches, they have teeny gremlins for our watches!

It’s been no secret that one lonely member of the Movie Night™ crew is a big fan of Nicolas Cage. Vampire’s Kiss gives us his trademark manic approach with a slight tinge of regret – is this about mental illness? Is it even really a comedy? These are questions for academia. We’ll take the remainder of our time trading horse tips. But is it easier to ride a horse than to fly a helicopter? It’s all alphabetical. You just PUT it IN the right file! According to ALPHABETICAL ORDER! You know – A, B, C, D, E, F, G!

Vincent Price in the house! The Last Man on Earth kicks off the Halloween season right. There’s been a burglary at Movie Night™ headquarters and a frozen dessert treat is missing. That’s usually a cue for conspiracy theorists, so we take an abnormal amount of time pinning blame. It involves window screen installation. Ladies? Let’s get a chipmunk/groundhog/animal update. You’re freaks, all of you! All of you, freaks, mutations!

A surprising pick from Brenda, who has never pulled from the ancient 1960s. Lilies of the Field will ensure that a certain song will be stuck in your head for all eternity. Want to be horrified? Think of one of those giant pin art displays and imagine having those metal pins hitting the back of your throat. Gak. Let’s try to forget that idea. We wonder what happens to conscious thought when in suspended animation. An innocent pair of binoculars becomes a suspicious tool of evil and we discuss forbidden movies (the results aren’t typical.) That’s a Catholic breakfast, ain’t it?

No, it’s not Momento. But Following certainly begat the Christopher Nolan compendium. In his honor, we’ll be conducting this episode/interrogation out of chronological order. What if you were fingered for murder by police when the victim choked on popcorn? Would real food look edible in black and white? A thin man may attempt to play a fat one for Halloween. Go ahead, spill the movie that causes you the most guilt for having never seen. Everyone has a box.

It’s our first Jarmusch for our humble gathering – Mystery Train. We are in unanimous agreement that Screamin’ Jay Hawkins steals the show. This week’s surprise revelation is that one of our members has never hailed a cab. When will we watch our first pick at an honest-to-God movie theater? It could be ANY WEEK! Car bras and catching coons. “Jiffy Squid”? Turn that damn thing off!